There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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