i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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