Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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