What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize