At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
