I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
