he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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