you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
