they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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