I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
