I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just pee around me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize