so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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