In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize