Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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