Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize