Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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