I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize