sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize