I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I just sharted jello shots
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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