girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
