i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
