Ambien. No doubt about it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
