So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize