No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
