Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
