please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
