It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
