I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
