I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize