well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
