"it" just moved
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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