my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
