I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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