I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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