I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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