u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
