So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We had to coat check the pizza.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
