Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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