you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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