I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
