I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
