We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I believe in your delicious
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
