Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
