roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
