In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
