I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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