youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
