I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
