The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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