On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
