he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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