The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
