love makes seman taste better
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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