i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize