Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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