i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
