we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize