She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
