dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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