I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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