nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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